tHe cLAsS pReSiDeNt
HeAvEnLy stArS oF jOy
tHe sAnTa'S eLvEs
At tHe North Pole
Now how is it possible to play olympics at north pole with all the countries spy satellites over north pole? How do Santa and Elves remain hidden from human and animal eyes (other than reign deers of Santa and elves)?
To explain this let me tell you that Santa and the elves have pigments in their body, blood and hair which when get cold, become invisible to human and animal eye.They can only be felt by touching not other wise.They cause Santa and elves to become transparent and invisible. This does not mean that Santa and elves can pass through objects like ghosts.
Now the question comes don’t they wear clothes because clothes are visible.They don’t wear clothes only while bathing otherwise yes, they do wear clothes, don’t they have to protect themselves and their kids from the severe cold?
Then how do they still remain invisible even after wearing clothes? The Elves are clever, they had learned long time ago that the pigment found in their body can be used to make colours that can be put on clothes and then clothes can be made to become invisible.
What they do is they take a small spec of hair from their body and mix it with boiling water and orange juice which forms a base that can be used to mix with colours to form clothes. The base is so strong that one spoon is enough for one tonne of colour so it is not a big problem.
Now can Santa and Elves see each other? I mean they are invisible you know.
That’s true. Santa and elves can see 100 zillion times more colours that normal human eye can see. Their spectrum of eye colours is somewhat different and unique. So the colours that are transparent to human eyes are visible to elves easily and in different colours only known to the elves. Because they like colours they make many different transparent colours.
Now, what is the source of electricity in north pole.
Santa has an engine that is caused by movements of solar sail. (Solar sail is a material that can be caused to move just by the pressure of light on it.)
But in North pole the solar sails are run by sounds and movements in air so the north pole never runs out of electricity because solar sails keep on rotating with any sound or movement of air. They are made into fins and attached to a rotor that rotates a dynamo and electricity is produced. They use this technology to power everything from Santa’s Workshop-where elves make toys for kids to their watches and their toys and other things if required.
Now, Let’s come to the types of olympic games in the north pole and their names. But before beginning let me tell you that while playing games elves wear clothes and swimwear of transparency causing colours so that they remain invisible to humans and also as told since it is cold outside, their body, skin and hair automatically becomes transparent to humans.
Now, in Santa’s north pole olympics any elf could take part in olympics because it was up to an elf, as he/she wouldn’t want to get a fun made of him if he is not competent.
Now, there are a total of 10 types of olympic games played in the north pole and all except archery and swimming are played on ice and not snow. Elves have a huge ice stadium i.e. an iced lake where these games are conducted. Why these games are conducted on ice is because elves believe that if you have to be a sports elf you should have a perfect balance of your body even on ice and then you are worthy to be called a sports elf.
Now let’s name the games
1. E-oe sleigh
10. E-hot put
Even though the names sound somewhat similar to human olympic games these games are totally different.
How are these games played?
E-oe sleigh : This game is totally different than the regular bob sleigh. Usually a person skiing on a sleigh while sitting in it moves from the top of hill towards the downward direction i.e. towards gravity. But in this sport which is played by the elves the sleigh with the person sitting in it moves from bottom to up, yes against the gravity and towards upwards direction i.e uphill. This uphill movement is caused because of a spring that is attached to the back of the sleigh and is connected all the way to the top of the slide. How it is done lets read further to know.
In this game a 5000 meter long spring - ( maximum stretch size of the spring ), is attached by a means of a hook on the right or left side, to the back of a sporty sleigh. The upper end of the spring is attached at the top of slide. It is up to the elf playing the sport to decide which side of sleigh should he attach the hook to. Then there is an inclined slide that is 189 meters in height over which the sporty sleigh moves with a single elf in it . The slide is 5000 metres (same as the length of the spring) long with at-least 10 tight turns in it. Each segment of slide i.e turn to turn is of uneven inclination so some are 20 degrees some are 35 degrees some some 10 degrees and so on. An elf actually begins from the bottom of the slide and has to steer through the obstacles on the inclined slide backwards. The obstacles are at the side of the slide called pressure hooks.
A person wonders that lighter an elf is the faster he will go but that is not the case here. There are hooks attached to the inner side of the slide. The faster or the more the pressure with an elf’s sleigh hits the hooks on the slides the more they extend out and the more curvier they become. The more curvier the slides inner structure becomes the more the sleighs get stuck. And the slower an elf’s sleigh hits the slide’s hooks , the less extended and less curvier they become and therefore extend or open up less. So the more fast you travel the more you hit hard the more you get stuck in the hooks and the more delayed you get. And also, not only because of the hooks but the faster you (if you are lighter) are the more difficult it is to steer because of speed also. Also if you steer dangerously or not properly ( i.e haphazardly) the spring attached to the hook of the sleigh may get unhooked by itself and you’ll fall down the slide. So this was a perfectly designed game for elves .
Now how is the spring stretched so far? The Elves use 500 reign deers to pull the spring down the inclined slide and hook it to the right or left side of the sleigh as demanded.
To win the game is to be the fastest one to reach the top of the slide with the sleigh spring attached to it.
2. E-rchery : E-rchery is played with bow and arrow but it is totally different than normal archery.
In E-rchery a gold fish is made to drink few drops of alcohol and become crazily agile and super rapid ( Animals usually become crazy when they get drunk). Then the fish is thrown down one by one into a steep river which has rapids and stones in it. The elf-archer stands on a log of wood which is free to rotate on water, who also starts its journey from the top of the steep river. He has 200 feet of distance to cover on the downslope of river and to hit the eye of the gold fish before he falls into the water fall. So he gets approximately 30 seconds to hit the eye of the gold fish. A total of 5 gold fishes ( one by one i.e. when the sent gold fish reaches the bottom of the river then a second gold fish is thrown until total of five fishes have been sent) are sent from the top of the river stream into the river stream and the archer elf floating on the log of wood has to at-least hit one otherwise he gets no points at all. The Elf who hits closest to the eye of the gold fish and the most gold fishes, that elf wins. So its basically decided by judges after seeing the closest eye shots and the more number of fishes you hit.
Deciding points for E-rchery
A) Eye shot - 500 points ,
B) Periphery of eye - 50 points,
C) Outside the eye - on the face - 25 points and
D) On the body of the gold fish - 10 points
E-rchery is a tough game because first of all the elf is floating. Second of all he is floating on a rotatable log of wood which is very slippery because of water on it and he has to get a balance on it otherwise he will fall. And third of all he has to be very quick only then he can hit anywhere near gold fish’s eye.
3. E-avelin : The E-avelin is played on frozen ice field frozen where the elves’ olympic stadium is.
Now in this game, the E-avelin stick is a very long spear and is not to be thrown just straight in the air like humans do. It has to be thrown in air in such a way that it twists around some obstacles (in air) and falls on the farthest point from start and then the farthest one on the ice field is the winner. And not only this the E-avlin has a motor in it that is run by sound and wind pressure (as explained in technology part of this story). Now this motor has to be started causing the E-avlin to rotate for two things:
To cause the rotating arrow to turn for turning in air,
To cause a mark on the ice when it falls ( Because otherwise the ice is too thick to cause any mark.The drilling action causes a mark on the ice.)
The concept of E-avlin is that an elf should be a master of understanding how different aerofoil shapes effect the flow of object in air and how to create one in case of emergency or not.
4. E-urling : This is a single player game. In human curling the disk that skids on ice is directly touching the ice from below but in here, the disk is kept on the top of 3 equal sized spherical steel balls which are not in any way attached to the disk. Then they have to be pushed through a hockey stick forward and land in the centre of a circle marked with paint and if there is another elves disk there, then the disk should have been pushed in such a way that it should push the already landed disk from back with so much force that the sliding disk gets put in centre.
Now in this game any disk should never ever come off the balls and fall down otherwise the elf gets disqualified.
Now according to laws of physics if we push the disk on the steel balls (which will be sliding a little bit too, above the balls) the disk above it, will fall from the ball very quickly. But in this game their are two wedge supports parallel and on the both side of a path leading straight to a circle centre where the disk should skid to. So the disk is pushed not straight but diagonally and it strikes left and right causing the movement of the disk that has moved in a direction towards a fall to correct itself and keep on being placed on the steel balls and ultimately land at the centre point of the circle.
This game was the favourite of the elves.
5. E-wimming : This game is carried out in cold water and wearing only swimwear .
In this game an elf has to only rotate sideways which will cause movement in the sideways direction and the fastest one to reach the finish line wins.
Now why this game is carried out in only swimwear in cold water is that a sports elf should have so much body power that while rotating he should generate enough heat in its body to counteract the coldness.
Secondly a person can faint doing this but these are elves and elves believe that a sporty elf should have a fit brain and should not faint in any circumstances.
6. E-pring :This Sport is simple. In it an elf has one spring attached to the centre of shoe and which is on both of the shoes and has to run on ice track. The first one to reach the finish line wins.
7. E-urdles : In this game an elf uses the same shoe as that used during E-rint (coming below) and this sport also takes place on ice track.
Now in this game the obstacles are small water ditches and there is a hurdle string attached above them running parallel and horizontal to the water ditches. An elf running E-urdles has to jump over the obstacle and rotate 360+ degrees around the string above it then land on ice forward and keep on running forward until all obstacles like these are cleared. The first one to reach the finish line wins.
8. E-kiing : This is a fun game too because, first of all it is done on ice second of all it is lovable.
In this game there are long blades like that of ice skates attached to the centre of shoe at the bottom and the elf wearing the E-kiis falls from ice covered mountain on the ice path and that too backwards. There are obstacles that look like pillars mounted on the ice. The pillars are arranged in such a way that the skier has to twist and turn to reach below at the finish line otherwise he will fall. The person who reaches at the top speed after clearing the obstacles by turning and twisting wins.
9. E-rint : The E-rint game is also not simple.
In this game an elf runs of-course but on single pin-pointed point of wood attached to the centre of shoe on bottom. So there’s again a toughness in this race. The person has first of all learn to balance on a needle and then run on it.
10. E-hot-put : In this last type of game the person has to hold a flat disc with a group of five elves having total weight of 50 pounds standing on it. Then he has to throw the disk straight forward in the air along with elves on it who may fall on the ground . And the person who lands them the most forward wins. The total distance that have been crossed by the landed or fallen elves is added to know the maximum distance for winning.
But the difficulty in it is that elves would be jumping up and down unevenly causing uneven weight distribution at different times which is difficulty to take into account. And also there is no periodicity nor height to which an elf will be jumping.
Let me now begin the story of an elf kid.
There was an elf kid born to elf parents after a long time. His parents wanted a kid for a long time therefore they prayed to god daily for a kid until they finally gave birth to one named Alf meaning alpha elf or top elf.
But as he grew up he had a lot of hard time in his toy making school where all elf kids used to go.
He was the thinnest ones of the whole elf kind. More to know he was actually half of thin of the other thinnest elf around. Thus he used look very weak. But no body used to laugh or mock at him. It was only that he had hard time to understand things and to do them. His parents were worried that he would not make a good worker elf which all elves are. The elf boy new that, but his mom used to tell him not to worry and he will be the shining star of all elves. The boy used to hear this and used to just keep quiet after hearing this. One day he said mom I can’t be shinning star because I am weak and thin and I am not strong as other elves. But his mom told him “ Son strength is not in muscles of the body but in your inner heart and one who has a strong heart has a strong mind and body.” He listened to it and kept it in his mind and continued his daily activities.
Alf was a sports liking person. He used to go to see The North Pole olympics every year. He used to see elves play and win the hearts of people and once he said to himself “I want to be an Elf sports star too”. But he never knew how to do it so he used to go in the icy forest sit besides a tree and cry.
Once he was sitting and weeping and saw an ant trying to go beneath his foot. He thought it was trying to climb over him and bite him so he tried to squash it first, but it couldn’t be squashed because it kept on changing its direction and moving forward and became very tactical but then he finally aimed to put his feet on top of it and then finally it got squashed. He thought he killed the ant but that was not the case the ant got up and became even faster in moving and tried to go near his foot again but the elf again got scared and tried to squash it again but he missed a couple of times and squashed 2-3 times again but the ant got up and then Alf got scared and jumped moving aside. The ant immediately went into its hole where the elf had kept foot before. The elf was surprised that an ant which was so tiny got squashed many times but got up and reached its destination with all its courage.
That incident changed its life. He thought that if a tiny-miny ant can be squashed by person million times heavier than it and still get up to live why can’t I who has everything of an elf be an elf sports star.
He then waited for the next olympics and keenly observed it. He noted down how athletes were doing things and how they won.
After observing them carefully, he devised a plan on how he will train himself for the olympics and he decided to take part not only in one olympic sports but in all 10 of them and win all of them which nobody had ever done before nor thought in his/her wildest dreams .
He said “I will train one hour everyday for each sport until the next olympics comes but it will be meaningful”.
E-rchery training machine : To train for E-rchery he said that “It’s tough and barely anybody comes close to hitting the eye of the a super agile and fast tagged gold fish , how can I do it”.
He then worked on his devised plan.
Instead of water rotatable log he built an Elvish engine consisting of solar sails and attached it to a rotatable log of wood. He then put a mechanism in it that alternatively with no fixed time intervals would rotate sometimes clockwise and sometimes anti-clockwise and also he made arrangement in the mechanism that the more person gets imbalanced and the more noise he creates the solar sails will rotate at a higher speed in either direction which would become almost impossible to balance on machine.
Second thing he built was a flat conductor and devised a mechanism to short circuit it so that it releases only one spark at a time and he had to hit the spark with an arrow from his bow. And how will he know that he hit the spark was that the tip of the arrow will become discoloured ( which is only possible when the spark is hot and visible, otherwise his arrow shot will be useless).
He was going to use both the tricks simultaneously to train for shooting.
B) Training machine for E-oe Sleigh : He thought that falling is faster, if fallen from a high altitude. So keeping this thing in mind he made a sleigh similar to that he will use in olympics and attached sharp pins to all exterior sides of it and also attached an air engine run by solar sails. Then he made a catapult to throw the sleigh along with him in air to a height of 50,000 feet. He also made a helium balloon dispensing machine.
Functioning of this training machine was like this : the sleigh was put on the catapult and thrown up as soon as it was thrown up the engine started increasing rpm and increasing the speed of the sleigh until 50,000 feet where air is less and air vibration is less and then it falls.(the elf did not have to wear a mask because they already are used to living in less oxygenated air by living at north pole). Now as soon as the sleigh is thrown upwards the helium balloon dispensing machine which was on the ground starts dispensing balloons and until Alf starts its flight on the sleigh back from that high altitude he has to steer through the balloons floating in the air with help of engine thrust sideways and should not let any balloon get blown by the spikes all around at the exterior of its body .
C) Machine for E-avlin training : To train for E-avlin he had to be a master of understanding aerofoil shapes and know how they behave.
So he put pillars on the ground that could be moved to make different type of obstacle circuits.
Secondly he made a boomerang and decided to change its direction by putting clay on it bending it for desired type of curved flight to understand aerofoil shapes.
Now to understand boomerang. It is a sports or hunting equipment usually made of wood that returns to it sender after throwing it in a particular way in the air because of its aerofoil shape. It used to be a traditional equipment.
D) Training equipment for E-urling : For practicing E-urling he made a 10 times heavier and 10 times lighter disk that will slide on the ball while practicing E-urling.
E) Training equipment for E-wimming : Now to train for E-wimming he made a plastic bag big enough to cover him completely till neck.
The theory was that plastic skids in water and thus requires more thrust to move so he will have to apply more force than normal elf and also since his hands and legs will be in the plastic bag there will be much more power required to do sideways swimming by the elf. While practicing he will match his speed of E-wimming when being covered with a plastic bag with that of the top speed of the fastest elf E-wimmer.
F) Training machine for E-pring : To win in E-pring he attached steel balls to the lower part of the springs which were not only movable in all directions but also reduced the height of the spring to match the regulatory height of the spring shoe from base.
The idea behind it was that the steel balls will be more slippery and hard to manage because when he would try to move forward he will slip and fall head over heels.
So it was real tough to train on them
G) Training equipment for E-urdles and E-rint : So usually it is thought that putting weight on feet while running will make them perform better on the track because putting weight on feet causes resistance when leg moves up but what happens when it comes down. When it comes down it moves with a greater force which further causes rebounds and helps somewhat in moving the leg up and forward. So this training method is not a very efficient one.
What Alf did was he put a jet fan below on the ground while attaching it to the floor and put a grill over it. Secondly he put another jet fan vertically above the ground jet at about a metre and half from his head and added a grill below it (for safety).
Then he made four wooden curved boat like structures. Two pointing upwards and two pointing downwards. He then made two pairs of those structures. Each pair had one “U” shaped structure pointing upward and one “U” shaped structure pointing downwards and attached one pair each to both of his shoes.
The concept involved is that when both the upper and lower jet fans will be throwing air at great speeds he will jog in between the blowing jet fans air wearing the “U” shaped structure attached to the shoes. Doing this will be difficult for him to move upwards and downwards both which will make his E-rinting faster on actual grounds.
H) Training equipment for E-ot-put : So he had to make his arm too strong so that he can win this sport.
For this he built a super high tension spring which he attached to the board on which usually elves are jumping before throwing them forward.
And then he further attached a knocking sledge hammer weighing 75 pounds which will be hitting continually to the disk-board that has to be thrown, to it.
Both the machines will be used together for practice.
So as he will try to do the throwing action with the board attached to the big tension spring whose others side would attached and fixed he will face more and more pressure when he reaches to the top of his hand because springs behave like that (i.e the farther the spring is stretched the more force it requires) and also because of the sledge hammer hitting the board at a very high speed and putting great weight on it.
I ) Training equipment for E-kiing : This was simple. He attached jet fans to the ski so that it can go faster than normal and if he can steer backward at faster speeds then he surely can steer at slower speeds.
Alf kept all of his training machines hidden from all elves eyes at a secret location in the forest which only he knew. So if anybody asked he used to say that he is just going to play in the forest which wasn’t a lie too.
Except for training with E-avelin all the other training he did were hard which he tried and failed initially but ultimately succeeded and achieved his maximum pace and strength.
Training with E-avelin took him a bit of skill as he had to learn what causes the boomerang to turn around so he tried many aerofoil designs with clay on boomerang and slowly he learnt the art of understanding aerofoil shapes and how do they respond to airflow.
As he had decided he would practice for 1 hour daily on each sport for 365 days and it would be meaningful. So he did it and got skilled in the sports.
Now the olympics begins.
In E-oe sleigh Alf didn’t even get hit or stuck by even a single obstacle or the hooks and won the greatest score with greatest speed recorded forever.
In E-rchery Alf hit not only one gold fishes eye but all the five gold fish’s eye centre point with his arrows i.e. one arrow in each eye. This was a record never ever broken by any elf ever.
And in the remaining games Alf won with flying colours and made his parents and all the other elves proud.